Lake Mission Viejo and Adam Cicciarella
Until you have heard the whole story*, how can you even begin to think you know anything?
FACT 1: Lake Mission Viejo was formed when God’s sandal created an impression and he cried a single tear. (The tear was due to the fact that he knew eventually Ladera Ranch would be created and he knew then it would suck.)
FACT 2: There are as many as 3 bodies entangled in the chains that hold the raft in the swimming area of North Beach at Lake Mission Viejo.
FACT 3: Lake Mission Viejo, along with the Great Wall of China are the only man made objects that can be seen from space with the naked eye.
FACT 4: There is a large trout in Lake Mission Viejo that haunts the dreams of both men and boys. That fish, known only as “Scar-back”, creates such fear that anglers have been known to defecate in their waders at the mere thought of him.
An Artist’s Rendition of the dastardly “Scar-back”.
So where, do you ask, does Adam Cicciarella fit into all of this? Let me tell you a story about the most intense moment of my life.
It all began early one Saturday morning. I was going to Lake Mission Viejo with Adam and another friend to go fishing. It was a glorious day.
Because fish do not have souls, we were laughing at the idea of sending some of them “back to Hell”.
All of the sudden there was a huge strike on Adam’s pole. Any ordinary man would have lost it overboard, but Adam held the fishing pole tight. Shouting, “I’ll kill you, you abomination!” Adam fought with the beast, bringing it up from the depths of the Lake.
It was at that moment that 3 things happened:
1. I saw the black demon eyes of the fish.
2. I urinated in my cargo shorts.
3. I saw that the fish had been hooked not in the mouth, but instead in the back.
“Cut Bait!” I shouted as I mopped my shorts with a rag. “This fish will kill us all!” But Adam held strong, not even breaking a sweat. He calmly asked for a net. I fumbled to get the net and looked overboard.
Just as I stuck my head towards the water, the fish jumped out of the Lake and slapped me across my face with its tail. (I would later find out he had broken my nose and dislocated my jaw.)
The force of his tail-slap also released him from the hook, but not before taking a chunk out of his back.
This was the first known encounter with the unholy creature known from that day forward as “Scar-back”.
*Story not for the faint of heart.